Success

I'm stealing someone else's idea for this one.

A friend - ok, a Facebook friend - posted a link to a TED talk by Alain de Botton on success.

It struck me in particular and I watched the whole thing because for the past few years I've been under the influence of success anxiety or status anxiety linked to my job or whatever the exact term is.

De Botton points out that we envy people who are similar to us but have achieved more: they appear more successful, and this is based on the assumption that we all have equal opportunities and therefore any failure or lack of success on our part is a failure to take advantage of these opportunities. In other words, it's our fault. When in reality it may not be.

It also struck me because of a conversation we had last night about beggars in Kraków.
On the way back from Kazimierz at about 11.30pm, a woman with a child heard us talking in English and came up saying 'please money food'.
My flatmate's policy here is not to give, because everyone has a chance to work and these people could get a job somewhere. By giving them money, you perpetuate the vicious circle in which they are already trapped. My policy is that things are more complicated than that: so I feel extremely guilty but still don't give.

I was trying to work out what it is that makes me so reluctant to give these people money. From time to time (maybe one in three) I give money to someone who is sitting and begging with a cup, as quickly and discreetly as possible and with as little actual communication with the person in question as possible. However, I really hate giving money to people who pester me. I feel as though I'm not being allowed the time to make a rational decision. In this case I'm pretty sure it's about more than just resenting the loss of a few zlots.

Another friend said that we give money to beggars because we are purchasing a Good Feeling. We see them, we feel bad, we give them some cash and then we feel as though we are a Good Person.
My argument here is that, up until the guy limped up to me with a sign around his neck asking for money for an operation, I wasn't feeling Bad. So he has created a false demand for this good feeling while at the same time being the nearest and most convenient local supplier.

I also don't like it when people target me in English. I feel as though I am being exploited as a rich foreign tourist (which is sadly something that I am not).

My default reasoning is that begging is a very humiliating thing to do and that if someone is asking for help, there must be a good reason behind it and therefore I should give. But I resent the emotional manipulation that goes alongside it. So I'm stuck with a dilemma. Either I pay, and pretend I didn't for fear of ridicule among my more sensible friends, or I don't pay, and I feel bad. Which instinct is correct?

Going back to success: I went to a very good school and to an excellent university and my friends are all doing pretty well. I'm even aware that some of them look down on me for doing what is perceived as a poorly-paid menial job (translation) and for working as a freelancer rather than for a respectable multi-national with a good pension scheme.

Then again, I think about all my efforts over the past few years to do yet another training scheme, yet another bit of work experience, and I wonder whether the best thing would be just to live somewhere where there is plenty of sunshine, where I can go roller-blading in the morning, where there is a nice river to walk along, and just to earn enough money to travel and to rent a decent space in a nice city where I can sleep undisturbed in the sunshine in the afternoons.

Here's the talk. Let me know what you think: