Sunday, 6 April 2008

Love Part II

Talking with girl friends this weekend, love and relationships were the main topic of discussion.

[Guys, this is what women talk about All The Time. Be afraid.]

I'm full of admiration for people who can give relationship advice with any degree of certainty. I'm always rather at a loss to comment. Over the past year, I've realised that I have about as much chance of controlling this area of my life as I do preventing a piano from falling on my head. What is the point of following carefully-reasoned advice when you never know who's lifting a 9-foot Bosendorfer twenty storeys above you?
The only reasonable course of action is to keep walking forward and looking straight in front of you, and maybe if you become aware of a piano-shaped shadow hanging over your head, RUN.

Is craaaiiiizy, no?

Why is it that the factor which forms the basis of most major life decisions (which country to live in, who to move in with, even what career to pursue) is completely beyond our control by any rational means?!

You might meet the perfect guy, who ticks all the boxes, fulfils all the criteria, looks exactly like the kind of guy you're normally attracted to, and yet cast-iron guaranteed you'll fall for the guy you never thought you would, who's geeky and funny-looking and completely inappropriate.

The piano factor also means that one day the person you are crazy about will turn around and say

'I don't want you any more'

and you will hurt more than you imagined possible and be totally powerless to make it stop (or to stop it from happening again and again, for that matter).

Masakra Panowie.

I'm going to invent a cure. Without a science background, I realise this will be a struggle, but seriously, Something Must Be Done (that's been said before, hasn't it?). Otherwise, pianos will continue to fall, and people will continue to be crushed and to base their lives on a series of completely senseless and irrational events.

p.s. There's a super new posh Italian restaurant in ul. Kupa, run by Sardinians. So I'm hoping the Piano of Lurrrve falls on me soon, preferably in the form of a Swiss private wealth manager...


W-wa Jeziorki said...

It's all about biology/chemistry/ economy. Women want a man with the right balance of testosterone, looks, height, wealth, to be an attractive biological partner, but not so snappable-uppable on the market of lurve that he'll do a runner the second a better option than you is on offer. He's needed to hang around when children start popping up. And should stay on to offer companionship in old age. (Was it Take That or the Bay City Rollers who sang "Forever I'll love you 'till your tits droop to your knees?)

So. What you're faced with is a ladder, with men above you (unreachable, who may have a glorious fling with you, then dump you, leaving you distraught) and men below you, who'd dearly love to be loved by you, but whom you wouldn't for one second consider as suitable. (Too ugly/ poor/ short/ fat/ bald/ smelly /boring etc.)

Somewhere out there, you will find men on your rung. Love is a market. Biology gives everyone a hand of cards, some lucky men/women get four aces and a king. Some unlucky bleeders get four deuces and a three. Most of us get a spread of kings, eights and fours. Now, what you need to do is to assess that potentially matching hand...

I'm not entirely cynical. There's such a thing as a soul mate. Of course it's cruel when you lose one. (Time is indeed the great healer. It once took me four years to get over a three year relationship). But a French woman's mag recently stated that only 2% of couples are truly compatible.

Not a happy note to end on, but don't give up!

Anonymous said...

Wait a couple of weeks (until the holiday season starts),take a nice photo of yours ,write your e-mail address on it and hang it in the krakow hostel kitchens...

...And then all the attractive and adventurous men from around the world will storm your flat...

Anonymous said...

Love is definitely the most confusing feeling ever to be in. I definitely believe in soul mates, but that there are lots and lots of them out there in the world waiting to be found. I reckon what we all need is someone who is like us enough to fit in with our souls, but dissimilar enough that he compliments your being, and makes up a little for whatever your weaknesses are.

How do you know when you've found your soulmate? I mean, keeping any relationship together takes work, but how do you know how much work you need to give it before you need to move on and start afresh? I reckon this is one of the most difficult questions to face.

What happens when you are in a steady, otherwise strong relationship but are attracted by someone else? Is there ever any way of knowing whether this alternative future is the right one for everyone concerned? How do you tell the difference between a silly crush (a symptom perhaps of momentary boredom) and genuine relationship prospect?

Is there ever any way of really knowing you are making the right decision before throwing the love piano on top of someone who loves you?

I'm not sure I know

pinolona said...

Jeziorki: Thanks for the tip but I think I've seen enough thank you! I'm not playing any more!

And excuse me, but what 'rung' precisely do you suppose me to be on? Are you suggesting that so far I've been pitching out of my league or what? And since when did the world become an American high school anyway??

French women's magazines also recommend the 'régime proteiné au fromage blanc', which consists of eating nothing but no-fat serek-type stuff for a week. Maybe with a little grated cucumber to jazz it up a bit. So you can judge the sanity level for yourself!
And no-one in France is compatible. My flatmate in Paris had a charming routine every evening where she would call her boyfriend, he would fail to respond (being on the loo, in front of the tv, whatever) and then he would try to call her back several times. She would then refuse to pick up on the basis that he couldn't be bothered to answer Her call in the first place so why should she answer his? Eventually one of them would get through and then they'd squall at each other for a couple of hours. Beautiful.

Anonymous 1: what a good idea, should I give rates per hour or should I set a minimum four-hour block?

Anonymous 2: firstly - I don't do 'silly crushes': when I'm bored I tune into the EU Parliament online and practice interpreting. And secondly, you can't throw the piano of lurrve at someone else. The whole point is that it is a random force majeur type thing that we have no control over. Which is what makes the whole thing such a damn silly game.

Michael said...

Krakow is quite a city, but it seems no matter what city you live in, there are those of us who are prone to attract those inconvenient falling pianos!
Having moved to Krakow at the beginning of the year after living in London my entire life, it is a breath of fresh air! Moving to a city where you know not one person was quite daunting, but now find myself meeting new people every day! Whether love can be found here is an altogether different matter as I prefer not to put an emphasis on it. If I stumble across it along the wobbly Krakow pavements, then great, but have always been advised to never look for it! The beauty of this city is that there are so many people with such great stories and backgrounds that you can spend hours getting to know them and realise that you are not the only one out there trying to make it on your own!
This blog is great! Good humour and some parts I can actually relate to, except from a man's perspective!
Pinolona, if you've still got the desire and inclination to meet new people in Krakow, then let me know! I may have been brought up in London, but I have Polish roots and am desperately trying to find the Polish language I once spoke so well as a young child! Maybe we could compare notes?

Anonymous said...

She will call you back if you have a car, no gas boiler and flat for 1000zl in the city center...and a bank account in Zurich.

W-wa Jeziorki said...

>And excuse me, but what 'rung' precisely do you suppose me to be on?

Your OWN rung, Pinolona - that's my point. Plus I don't think you've seen it all yet! I'm a firm believer in Boethius's Wheel of Fortune. Today, you're down. This time next week/month/year you'll be up. Mark my words!

Anonymous said...

I will probably move to Kraków in June. It would be great if we could chat someday. my MSN account is
Regards from Colombia!

pinolona said...

Jeziorki: I'm a bit lost in this metaphor: it's all too confusing. Which is precisely why I'm resigning from the whole sorry business!
Bring on the Thatcher shoulder pads, I'm going to zrobić karierę instead.

Anonymous 4 (or 5, losing count somewhat): I wouldn't be a lot of good to you since I'm leaving Kraków in June (gasp of horror).

I'm sure I'll be back though... like a bad penny...

Michael said...

It's a shame that you've decided to leave Krakow, Pinolona, but I'm sure you have your reasons and probably want to go and explore the rest of the world too!

If you're interested in comparing notes and adventures some time before you leave, then please feel free to get in touch at mcsperrin at hot mail dot com.

Shaunj said...

God you are a popular bunny aren't you? completely unrelated-this Ul. Kupa or Shit Street as I affectionately call it has some fine eating establishments for sure...don't let the name put anyone off-Kazimierz

pinolona said...

It's called Al Dente: an Italian recommended it to me so it must be good! pasta... mmm...

Michael said...

Al Dente is indeed a very good little Italian. Have tried it myself and found myself extremely impressed!