Woman behaving badly

I have a shameful secret. Normally I am a polite and reasonable English person. But in airports, my behaviour is absolutely shocking.

Now, this is no excuse, but I am sure I can't be the only one who is not especially pleasant company at four o clock in the morning.

It started with the guard at the door to departures when I suggested, quite reasonably actually, that there should maybe be a little sink or sluice or something where people can empty out their water bottles before passing through check point Charlie. Apparently this is a silly idea. My proposal that I down all 497ml before passing said door was also greeted with derision. 'just watch me...' I muttered grimly. Years of practice with a bottle of mango Reef and a straw have not been in vain. 'Don't you have a sense of humour luv?' he called after me. This is something that unfunny men say when girls don't laugh at their jokes.

Of course, the now-routine striptease at security didn't go down so well either. Since I had the audicity to keep my belt on (and quite frankly, I don't fancy hobbling through the metal detector with my jeans around my ankles- apart from anything else, at four in the morning, I don't trust myself to pick a clean pair of knickers) I had to be frisked by bossy woman who suggested I travel by train if I didn't like it. I wondered aloud if she actually knew where Krakow was (it being outside Little Britain), and we parted on extremely poor terms.

Sadly this isn't a unique incidence of temper tantrums at the airport. On a previous trip I have retorted, when asked to remove a good 50% of my clothing, whether they wanted my shirt as well. Fortunately I didn't catch the response. Unfortunately my boyfriend following behind did, and I got a lecture...
And I'm not the only one. I have a friend who took a good twenty minutes over removing a wide belt from tight belt loops at the x-ray gate.
And don't get me started on the loos at baggage reclaim.
Am I beyond help?
I think next time I travel I'll be swapping St Christopher for St Jude: patron of hopeless cases...