The Flower Lady

At dinner, a sedate-looking British lady of a certain age sat down with us. Her badge read 'Flowers/organisation'.

Now flower-arranging is not necessarily the basis for exciting dinner-table chat (I've never been a gardener - I suppose because I've never had anything more complicated than my flatmate's basil plant to tend), but different things make different people tick, and it's good to keep an open mind.

Soon the conversation was in full swing.

- After retiring - continued our new friend - my husband and I joined the BESO. That's British Executive Service Overseas. It's rather like the VSO actually, but for geriatrics.

- After some time, we were posted to Swaziland. I went to the local girls' school and volunteered to teach biology for free. The headmistress nearly kissed me.
Now, one day I decided to teach the girls about the eye. Normally in England, I would go to the butcher's and ask for a spare bag of bull's eyes for dissection.

There was a pause while the other girls politely made the appropriate squealing noises.

- I went to the local butcher and asked him for a bag of eyes. The next day, to my delight, he produced a huge parcel.

- Of course, he'd only gone and given me the entire head!

She courteously waiting for us to finish squirming before delivering the punchline:

- Luckily, I had my nail scissors handy...